Two Posts In One Day!!!

Haven't thrown down a good rant in awhile. Given that I'm riding a pretty good high right now (engaged, good weather, decent baseball being played here in Seattle, just had some great guests over, Labor Day coming up), this seems an odd time to pitch a hissy fit... but here's a few just to get them off my chest.

Dirty Martinis.
Yeah, who came up with this one? What a good way to waste some tasty booze. The other night, I had a clown who wanted his extra extra extra dirty. Know what he got? 3 parts olive juice to a drop of vodka. Verdict? Delicious, although the poor guy went through three glasses of water before he finished it, mua ha ha ha!

Pomegranate and cucumber drinks. Really, I'm just waiting for the fad to pass. Pomegranate may have some legs, but my money is on the cuke trend burning out before too long.

Not knowing your surroundings
. Union is a fine-dining restaurant, and our decor reflects this. So walking in and being mortally pissed that we don't carry Miller Lite or Pucker cracks me up. Two ditzy chicks walked in and complained over our lack of, ahem, "normal beer", missing that we have several iconic Belgian and German beers. I don't get mad when I go to KFC and they don't offer a burger.

High fives and WOO HOO's
. Get a hold of yourself there, brother.

Long Island Iced Teas
. Nothing screams ROOKIE more than this drink. Really, what they want is a fast buzz, so I introduce them to Stroh '80' (a 160 proof abomination from Austria) and then watch them pinball out the door with cartoon stars spangling around their noggin.

Making me read the menu to you because you didn't bring your glasses. Honestly, you wouldn't believe how often this happens. Pack some reading glasses, Mr. Magoo!

"What's good?" Uh, everything!!! Were you expecting a different answer?

Making out (and I mean really making out) at the bar. Get a hold of yourself there, sister.

Snobbery. Yeah, gotta save this one for last, because I can be guilty of this sometimes (I'm looking at you, weekend warrior. . . WOO HOO! I got your Apple Pucker right here). Really, I just try and have fun at work and not take myself too seriously, and usually do just that. Bartending is a gas, most of the time, and I haven't found a better job.

Enjoy the last days of summer everyone. See you in September.


Darren said...

No cucumbers? How am I supposed to have a proper Pimms cup?

Rocky said...

Though you did invent the One and Done as well as the Stroh take on Absinthe. I agree though, stupid amateurs. On the other hand we were all amateurs at one point, you just gotta get past it.

Lauren Edlund said...

Great. I love cucumber cocktails. Now you'll never serve me one. Seriously, I've had two different cucumber/watermelon cocktails recently that were awesome. And cucumber and gin work really well together. You're judging me now - aren't you? ;)

keith waldbauer said...

ah, the pimms cup is a glaring exception.

keith waldbauer said...

and lauren, i was thinking more along the lines of the cuke mojito and drinks of that ilk, and just fad drinks in general.

jimmyp said...

How about this one:

"Ummm. What do you have on draft?" says the guy standing right in front of the taps....

keith waldbauer said...

Can't believe I forgot that one! I've also had people ask if we even have draft beer when my hand is resting on one of the taps!!!

Doug Winship said...

OK, where did you get the kitty sniper pic? I've archived it, but can I use it for when I finally snap myself?

Dr. Bamboo said...

"Get a hold of yourself there, brother."

Priceless. I'll venture a guess the parties involved inquired as to the availability of Jagermeister at some point also.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I enjoy the occasional sip of Jagermeister myself, but all too often witness it's misuse by others. What is it about that stuff that makes people go utterly bananas??

Jamie Boudreau said...

I've carried reading glasses to every bar I've worked in for years to ensure that I don't have to read a menu. Find some dorky ones, so that buddy who refuses to admit he's aging looks like a fool while wearing them.