Know Your Bartender

Just wanted to post this link because I found it absolutely hilarious. Actually, the whole site is hilarious. Brilliant writing throughout. And if you haven't bought the book, you should.

What kind of bartender are you??? Me? Somewhere between Bar God and Professional. I'm trying hard to move away from Bar God status though.

Well, Howdy AOL Readers

Just want to take a moment to welcome AOL food and drink blog readers to my darkened and frequently neglected corner of the internet.

For the five or six of you who read this site regularly, let me announce that my friend Kat Kinsman has brought me aboard as a contributor to AOL and their food and drink blog site. Should be great. I believe we're calling the column Raising the Bar (har!!).

Essentially, the gist is to give readers ideas on how to expand their repertoire when they walk into a bar.

And for that, I'll be playing the bartender.

I raise a Sazerac in your direction, my friends. I encourage you to peruse the cocktail blog sites listed on the left. They are the best of their kind; all of them are brilliantly written and chock full of knowledge. Good people to boot. Welcome to our little subculture, the drinks are great here.

Cheers.

(ah, Jeffrey has pointed out how useful it would be for me to post a link. Doh!!! Smart guy, that Jeffrey. You can find the first post here, along with a familiar shot of my smarmy mug).

A Shout Out to Cameron and Anita

That wonderful duo, Cameron and Anita from Married With Dinner popped into Union last night, which for me turned an otherwise unremarkable Labor Day Friday night into something special. I was lucky enough to borrow them from Murray and the Zig Zag crowd for a couple hours and they humored me by sampling a few new cocktails I'm experimenting with, providing incredibly useful commentary and ideas on how to refine them. I've never considered myself very talented when it comes to inventing new cocktails, preferring instead to concentrate on educating myself (and my guests) on forgotten and under-ordered classics. I have to admit, I was a little nervous, same as when Murray or Kacy happen to pop up at the bar. They are, of course, very gracious and fun to talk with, and I'll definitely take them up on their offer to tour San Fran's bars (as much fun as it is to have them at the bar, I imagine it'll be even more fun to be on the other side of the bar with them).

Thanks again for popping in, Anita and Cameron.

Two Posts In One Day!!!

Haven't thrown down a good rant in awhile. Given that I'm riding a pretty good high right now (engaged, good weather, decent baseball being played here in Seattle, just had some great guests over, Labor Day coming up), this seems an odd time to pitch a hissy fit... but here's a few just to get them off my chest.

Dirty Martinis.
Yeah, who came up with this one? What a good way to waste some tasty booze. The other night, I had a clown who wanted his extra extra extra dirty. Know what he got? 3 parts olive juice to a drop of vodka. Verdict? Delicious, although the poor guy went through three glasses of water before he finished it, mua ha ha ha!

Pomegranate and cucumber drinks. Really, I'm just waiting for the fad to pass. Pomegranate may have some legs, but my money is on the cuke trend burning out before too long.

Not knowing your surroundings. Union is a fine-dining restaurant, and our decor reflects this. So walking in and being mortally pissed that we don't carry Miller Lite or Pucker cracks me up. Two ditzy chicks walked in and complained over our lack of, ahem, "normal beer", missing that we have several iconic Belgian and German beers. I don't get mad when I go to KFC and they don't offer a burger.

High fives and WOO HOO's. Get a hold of yourself there, brother.

Long Island Iced Teas. Nothing screams ROOKIE more than this drink. Really, what they want is a fast buzz, so I introduce them to Stroh '80' (a 160 proof abomination from Austria) and then watch them pinball out the door with cartoon stars spangling around their noggin.

Making me read the menu to you because you didn't bring your glasses. Honestly, you wouldn't believe how often this happens. Pack some reading glasses, Mr. Magoo!

"What's good?" Uh, everything!!! Were you expecting a different answer?

Making out (and I mean really making out) at the bar. Get a hold of yourself there, sister.

Snobbery. Yeah, gotta save this one for last, because I can be guilty of this sometimes (I'm looking at you, weekend warrior. . . WOO HOO! I got your Apple Pucker right here). Really, I just try and have fun at work and not take myself too seriously, and usually do just that. Bartending is a gas, most of the time, and I haven't found a better job.

Enjoy the last days of summer everyone. See you in September.

Quit F*&$%in' With My Manhattans!!!!

Honestly, I'm not the anal retentive type. I have few rules when it comes to my bar, which is the way I think it should be. I may grumble about making Long Island Iced Teas or Bloody Mary's or Duck Fart shots, but they don't make me mad. A careless Manhattan, though? Don't get me started...

Actually, it's too late... the pump has been primed and I'm already on a roll. Put on your seat belt and grab a helmet....

Ahem

Just got done reading an article in the latest Food and Wine about Philadelphia. In the article, Editor Dana Cowin mentions having a great cocktail scene is part of what makes a great food city, then goes on to mention the best cocktail in the city is a Manhattan.... wait for it...shaken by Kip Waide at Southwark.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, Dana Cowin should know better. Each year, Cowin and friends travel the country and release a wonderful collection of original and classic cocktails prepared by the best bartenders in the best bars. Sooooooo, Dana, how can I say this nicely....

If the best cocktail in the city is a SHAKEN Manhattan, you've got to get the hell out of that town!!!!!

The only good Manhattan is a stirred one. Made with good rye or superior bourbon. Furthermore, it should have a rich vermouth (not the cheap crap. Vya is the choice here). A healthy dash of bitters too. Then stirred. No Manhattan should come with a head on it. One more time....

...no Manhattan should come with a head on it!!!

And if the bartender insists on shaking the crap out of one, step away from the bar...in fact, turn your back and walk out. If you must stay, order a beer.

As I like to say, life is too short for crappy drinks.

Bartender v.s. Mixologist

Does this turf war exist, or am I igniting one?

I just read an old interview with Ryan Magarian, a local mixologist who works with Kathy Casey Food Studios. He asserts a difference between a bartender and a mixologist, claiming a bartender to be more like a line cook and a mixologist to be more like a head chef. Taking the analogy one step farther, he seems to claim that a mixologist is an artist, while a bartender simply does the grunt work. This implies bartenders lack artistic vision.

That may be true of some bartenders, but I always have a problem with blanket statements such as that. I personally consider it part of my job to create new cocktails, to ensure consistentcy in recipes and to display some sort of artistic vision in our menus. It's an overly simplistic view to assume bartenders don't respect their crafts while mixologists do. It might be true to say that for every bartender who truly cares about his craft there are hundreds more who only sling drinks for tips while they work toward a different career, to state flat-out that only mixologists care about their craft is, in a word, wrong.

I can't stand when people call me a mixologist or a bar chef. It's embarassing. I'm a bartender, and damn proud of that. Everything Magarian claims for himself as a mixologist, I find to be inherent in my job description.

All of this may just be hair-splitting semantics, but my own definition of mixologist would be simply someone who creates cocktails but doesn't earn a living tending bar. If Magarian no longer works behind a bar, that'd be fair to call him a mixologist.

Overall, however, I've a feeling Magarian is just trying to seperate himself from the common bartender. Me, I'm proud to trace my lineage from Jerry Thomas (try explaining how that guy was not an artist) to the flair bartender wowing the crowd on a Saturday night, to the server feeding cans of Budweiser to thirsty blue-collar workers at your local hole-in-the-wall.

Bartenders are equal parts line cook and executive chef. To suggest otherwise is neither accurate nor fair. There is no doubting Magarian's talent, nor his resumé, and I have tremendous respect for his devotion to our craft and his contributions to our cocktail library. I only wish he had greater respect for bartenders.