MXMO: The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

Death is upon the land and all those who tend it's soil. For thou hath summoned thine secret detonative device, The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Within it's casing liest a potion so fierce thou shalt not consume another, for if thouest request a second, thou will be blown up into tiny bits.

Ahem.

i can only keep up that prose for so long. Let's get right into the history of this deadly weapon.

Once upon a time, Union held a beer party. One of those beers was a potent bottle of Eku 28, a German Eisbock. I'll let Dr. Beer Love give you the full background if you're curious. If you're not, let me just tell you that the beer clocks in at 11% ABV (!). On our shelves, we always have on hand a bottle of Stroh 80, an Austrian rum proofed at 160 (!). We keep it exclusively for initiating new cooks (they do a shot, we all laugh, they fall down). Being bored one night, I came up with the idea of a boilermaker comprised of both, and called it The One and Done. I call up Rocky Yeh and he drops what he's doing and speeds down the interstate to try one. We wrangled on of the cooks to join him and the cook immediately, ahem, lost his cookies.....

Some time later, Rocky challenged me to come up with a cocktail using this ultimate demon rum. I put it together like an absinthe drip, combining it with lime juice, orange juice, simple syrup and Pernod. Ended up being not too shabby. Every now and then I'd drag it up as a shooter for daring party-goers wandering up First Avenue on their way to Pioneer Square or Belltown. Rocky again challenged me to come up with a shooter that could match a hilarious name, The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, killer of ferocious bunnies. I just dredged up the Stroh shot and, well, there was much rejoicing.

Finally, Rick has the idea of a Limit One MXMO, and I figured I'd haul this one up, but try and make it better. Having just visited Vessel and being enamored with Jamie Boudreau's Rubicon, I thought I'd try my hand at a little molecular mixology to add another layer of flavor. I bruleed some cherries on the bottom of the glass, mashed them and carmelized the syrup as well. Then came the shot of Stroh, a little orange and lime juice, some simple syrup and then, just to see what'd happen, I floated a 1/4 oz of absinthe. Then I handed it to the cooks, master tasters of cocktails. The cooks have a justifiable fear of Stroh, so I kept the ingredients a secret.

What started out as a joke has now ended up being a fantastically tasty cocktail, something I'd never have believed possible. Does it have a silly name? Yes, of course it does. But if you're a Monty Python fan, as I am, you can't help but laugh a little...

Behold...The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Introduction here by Monty Python, from The Holy Grail, one of the great comedies of our time....

"LAUNCELOT
We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR
Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS
[chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
ARTHUR
How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT
I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR
Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people
did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD
Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD
Amen.
KNIGHTS
Amen.

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
Brulee 3 cherries on the bottom of a double rocks glass.
In an ice-filled cocktail shaker combine:
1 oz Stroh 80
1 oz fresh orange juice
1/2 oz fresh lime juice
healthy dash of simple syrup
Shake, dump contents into aforementioned rocks glass. Stir, float a dash of absinthe on top.

Ye Gods!!! Have one, and thou shalt be smitten. Two, thou shalt be smote.
Want to see the scene from The Holy Grail? Darn right you do!!

Slainte!